Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Back To Basics

A bouquet from my gentleman caller in my $2 vintage vase that I love!

I've been a bit preoccupied lately.  As a single mother working full-time, it happens - sometimes seemingly at the slightest change in wind.

But this thing that has come along is more than just a change in weather, and I feel like I am learning things all over again - maybe even for the first time. 

In short, I'm dating someone.  Now I've dated on and off for years, but nothing ever serious.  I've been single close to ten years.  So this thing - er, um, this man - has had quite the effect on my life, and even on seemingly unrelated things like my budget (I'll explain more on that below). 

Many positive things come with a boyfriend, but I've found it's a learning curve for me - there are all the internal questions, the anxiety, the wondering.  One thing that's required in love is certain, and there is no real way around it, there's always an element of risk involved.  Those are the big guns - the big heart questions, the dance of getting to know someone that comes with the territory of romantic relationships.

And yet, there's another thing I've noticed affected by being in a relationship, and that's my spending.  Now, I've found a man that enjoys paying for things.  He's old fashioned that way and while it's certainly not expected, it's really refreshing to know that he likes being generous in that way. I reciprocate at times, but he pays for most things we do together.  Where I tend to spend more in dating is buying clothes, paying for things out of convenience because of time constraints, and when I cook for him I don't hold back too much and if there is a special ingredient I want to get, I'll get it. Then there's things like buying lunches at work - which there is no real excuse for, I just happen to be doing it.

I don't want to be too hard on myself here, but I do want to become more aware and reign it back while still allowing for some fun.  I need to get back to the basics.

Does your attention to finance change when life changes?

Here's a poem I like about change.  I'm not going to claim I know exactly what it means, but I like the imagery and the way it sounds in my head as I read it.

The Beautiful Changes

One wading a Fall meadow finds on all sides   
The Queen Anne’s Lace lying like lilies
On water; it glides
So from the walker, it turns
Dry grass to a lake, as the slightest shade of you   
Valleys my mind in fabulous blue Lucernes.

The beautiful changes as a forest is changed   
By a chameleon’s tuning his skin to it;   
As a mantis, arranged
On a green leaf, grows
Into it, makes the leaf leafier, and proves   
Any greenness is deeper than anyone knows.

Your hands hold roses always in a way that says   
They are not only yours; the beautiful changes   
In such kind ways,   
Wishing ever to sunder
Things and things’ selves for a second finding, to lose   
For a moment all that it touches back to wonder.

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